Parallel Connection
by Reaverstar125d7
Summary: A pure comedy story, filled with dumb humor and shitty jokes. Jaune is connected to all his parallel selves, he can't quite seem to think properly. He explodes. A lot.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This story is my little de-stress story, it is nothing but silly humor and bad jokes.**

 **On with the story.**

* * *

James Ironwood is the headmaster of Atlas Academy, a General in the Atlesian military, he wears a white overcoat, with a gray undercoat, black sweater, a red necktie, and a white glove on his right hand. His suit pants share the same color as his overcoat and are tucked into silver boots accented in gray. His left arm is robotic. His hair is black, with some silver and gray areas, while his eyebrows are solid black. He has a strip of silver metal above his right eyebrow, a neurotransmitter that helps him operate the robotic parts of his body.

He is walking to the Research and Development division to meet the head of all of Atleasean science, a man of great renown. Single handedly bringing Atlas into technological superiority centuries ahead of anything their greatest minds could ever dream of.

* * *

He opens the sealed door and is greeted with a mindbogoling sight.

"Sir please put down the cat!" A very old scientist yells at a man standing on the bullhead the R&D division.

"But it knows the secret to transdimensional pooping. Imagine it Stevens, never have to leave the lab again! People would just randomly find Fecal matter in their toilets! And it won't be theirs!" The Blond haired man on the bullhead yells, hoisting the cat high in the air like a holy relic.

"Sir that is Sir Pounce-a-little, he has nothing to do with transdimensional pooping!" Stevens yells back.

"Oh! Why didn't you say so Stevens, I would have put the cat down the second you said so!" The Blond man exclaims. He jumps off the bullhead and hands the cat to Stevens.

"I did sir, fifteen times." Stevens sighs tiredly.

"Oh General Ironwood Sir, why have you come down here to R&D?" Stevens asks.

"I came to meet the most brilliant mind in remnant, your assistant seems to be giving you trouble." James says.

"Uh sir, I'm the assistant. The man that was waving the cat around is my boss Jaune Arc." Stevens says in the tone of a man used to saying these words.

"Really?! But he looks so insane!" Ironwood exclaims.

"I'm not insane, just have a difficult time aligning myself to this Parallel. You normal people and your one self, bah, out with the lot of you." Jaune scoffs, then suddenly he explodes.

Blood and viscera flies everywhere, guts hanging off lab tools.

"What the fuck was that?!" Ironwood screams in horror.

"Calm down, it's only my seventh explosion today!" Jaune exclaims from the exact same place he was before, the lab is once more in it's pristine state.

"Sir, Jaune's Semblance is Parallel Connection. He is connected to all the parallel selves that exist. Past, Present, and Future." Steven tiredly explains.

"The explosions come from a little game we play with ourselves. Every now and then one of us picks up and explosive and detonates it, kills 'em completely. Although we come back instantly, we then send the explosion among us and share. spontaneous explosions happen all the time, the game is avoiding the explosion! None of us have managed it though. Even if we did figure it out none of us would stop the game, it's too fun!" Jaune erratically explains, appearing all around the lab. Never in one place longer than ten seconds, messing with dials. Mixing stuff into flasks, writing notes.

"How have you managed technological marvels if this is how you work?" Ironwood asks incredulously.

"Oh that's easy! Stevens!" Jaune yells.

"Over here sir." Stevens sighs from next to Jaune.

"There you are. What was today's project?" Jaune asks.

"Bullhead improvements." Steven lists of a notepad that appears out of nowhere in his hands.

"Oh that." Jaune says. He snaps his fingers and the bullhead he previously stood on suddenly disappeared, a moment later a much more sophisticated bullhead appears.

"How did you do that?" Ironwood asks.

"Future me sends back obsolete designs and I send him ancient things we've forgotten, Future me improves from old designs and Present me improves from future designs." Jaune calmly states.

"So time travel." Ironwood states.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, I am connected to all Jaune's in all worlds in all dimensions in all times. We share stuff." Jaune states.

"Well, your workplace ethics are questionable the results show themselves. Keep up the good work boys." Ironwood says as he turns to leave.

"Sir if I could have a moment?" Stevens asks.

"Go ahead Stevens." Ironwood states.

"We desperately need more staff, I can't be the only person watching Jaune. He asks things that a scientist wouldn't know, this is the only budget increase we have ever asked for. More staffing would go a long way to speed up Jaune, he would have more people to interact with. One human interaction kinda makes him produce more spectacular things." Stevens desperately pleads.

"All right I trust you judgement on our genius. I'll send more staff tomorrow." Ironwood says.

"Tell Specialist Schnee she'll hate me!" Jaune cryptically yells at Sir Pounce-a-little.

* * *

 **AN: As you can see not even I am taking this story seriously, this is intended to be pure comedy.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Ok so I haven't slept in 36 hours, this is my brain on insomnia.**

 **On with the story.**

* * *

"You are being re-assagnied to work as security detail for Jaune Arc, at the insistence of his assistant he is getting new staff. You will be the head of security." Ironwood says to Specialist Winter Shcnee.

Winter Schnee is a specialist in the Atlesian Military's Special Operatives unit. She is a tall young woman, with a fair complexion, white hair and slate blue eyes. Her hair is tied up in a bun at the rear left corner of her head, causing her bangs to fall towards the right side of her face, and leaving a small curled lock of hair that reaches below her left ear. Her attire is blue, white and gray colored. It consists of a white coat with a red brooch, exposed upper arms and black gloves. Her pants have garters incorporated into them.

"It will be nice to meet the genius spearheading our technology." Winter states.

"He did give me a message for you however, before I assigned you to the security detail." Ironwood states.

"What is it sir?" Winter asks.

"He said that you'll hate him." Ironwood states calmly.

"It is too early for such opinions." Winter says calmly.

"Well when you do go to R&D, I have words of advice for you: Steel yourself." With that Ironwood waves her out his office.

* * *

As Winter arrives at R&D she opens the door and is greeted with bizzare scene.

"Stay still Stevens, this will only hurt until you stop living!" A Blond haired man chases Stevens, an old man in a lab coat, with a mechanical worm in his hands.

"Sir please put the metaphysical worm back into the test chamber!" Stevens yells as he runs faster than a man of that age has business moving.

"What?! This is the physiological carnage worm!" Jaune comes to a stop and examines the worm "Whoops it seems you are right Stevens! So sorry, let me go get the actual physiological carnage worm!"

"Sir we have a Guest." Stevens pants out.

"Do we?! Why didn't you speak up dear?!" Jaune yells at Sir Pounce-a-little.

"Sir it is Specialist Schnee." Stevens turns Jaune's head to face her.

"Oh! So sorry dear, thought you were coming yesterday. Must be early." Jaune trails off.

"Specialist Schnee reporting for duty Sir, I assume you are Jaune's boss?" Winter asks.

"No, Jaune is my boss, and consequently your boss as well. He is the head of all of R&D." Stevens sighs and explains again.

"He, is our boss? He just tried to kill you!" Winter exclaims.

"What?! No I didn't, the physiological carnage worm reverses aging, or inverts gender. Could never remember which. No matter, would you like to test the worm?" Jaune asks.

"What, no!" Winter yells.

"Your loss then, now why are you here Winter?" Jaune asks.

"Reporting for security detail. Wait I didn't tell you my name." Winter says guarded.

"Oh that, I asked the me that married your little sister in about six years. He told me such interesting things about you, never cared to learn about the sister. He was much more lucid than I however." Jaune says cryptically. "So why are you early? You are supposed to be here yesterday not today, always confuddles the mind when people are early."

"Sir yesterday is Ironwood asking me for updates on our workings. Today is Specialist Schnee showing up and working together with me to get you working again." Stevens just goes along with how Jaune speaks without missing a beat.

"I'm confused, why does he say yesterday instead of tomorrow?" Winter asks.

"Oh she does not know! Well if you must know, and you will need to! Yesterday is the transient passing of time that means what happens next but has already happened in the future! Today means the time that is passing unabated by choice until a choice is made, then it becomes tomorrow! Oh what wonders I will learn with you, trust me when I say you will actually teach me more than I teach you!" Jaune explains.

"That made no sense." Winter deadpans.

"It gets easier with time Winter. The first week will be hell." Stevens soothes.

"EUREKA!" Jaune suddenly exclaims and then explodes again covering the lab in blood and viscera.

"What the hell happened to him?!" Winter screams in horror.

"Give it a moment dear, this is an hourly event." Stevens sighs.

"That was a particularly nasty one, maybe I should have given the metaphysical worm to the Maw of Uncountable Sorrows. Maybe that would have made this one pink! Oh Stevens, give me the metatransient worm of happiness!" Jaune reappears and reaches his arm unerringly towards Stevens and stares at the wall he screamed at when he told Ironwood Winter would hate him.

Stevens just grabs a mechanical worm and hands it to Jaune.

"Thank you Stevens. Oh almighty Maw of Untouchable Touchableness, I offer thee a worm of metatransient hapiness. Enjoy!" Jaune speaks at the wall.

Nothing happens and Winter doubts his sanity when suddenly a massive mouth opens and eats the worm. The Maw flashes purple and the disappears.

"AHA! I knew the Maw's wanted these worms, only took seven hundred years to make the worms, but it was worth it. Oh August, over here, open the chest in the corner, contains your uniform. So sorry that you were stripped by the Maw, they tend to do weird things." Jaune points to the corner then Winter's naked body.

She shrieks and rushes to the chest, the moment she touches the chest it springs open and all her uniform is back on.

"If I had know it would have done that I would have used the transient anger worm." Jaune speaks to Sir Pounce-a-little.

* * *

 **AN: Another chapter of this story.**

 **Guest- Thanks for that buddy, trust that this will have loads of chapters, this idea has been running around in my head for the last 36 hours.**

 **Aiellord- As you see it only gets more confusing, and if you think you understand it now... well you won't next chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: This is such a fun story to write. It is my intention to make this story as ridiculous as possible.**

 **On with the Story.**

* * *

"And today another chapter is written, wonder what is planned today." Jaune speaks to himself.

"Sir?" Stevens asks.

"Nothing to worry about Stevens, now remind me why I'm not allowed to explode this time?" Jaune asks.

"We are going to a Schnee Dust Expo where you will unveil a new way to process dust. We will be arriving in Mistral in three hours. The lab has been moved into General Ironwood's Airship. All our experiments have been moved in accordance with the paperwork you somehow did better than any Lawyer I've ever seen." Stevens lists of the notepad that somehow magically appears in his hands.

"Well the paperwork was easy, not nearly as hard as breathing air in the way that doesn't poison you." Jaune exclaims.

"Why is our boss like this?" Winter sighs in defeat.

She has been working for Jaune for a month at this point. In that time she had seen Jaune randomly explode at least twenty times a day, she had seen the most spectacular things working with him. On the other hand she had seen the most ridiculous things that had screamed insanity. Some reason kept her working for him, the events surrounding him were crazy but they always worked out for the better.

"This is just how he is, in the years I have spent working for him he has done spectaculor things. On the flip side every day is long and hard, but you will end up better for it." Stevens sagely says.

"We will be taking off momentarily Scientists, please be ready." Ironwood speaks from the intercom.

"Oi! Irontree, why can't we just teleport there?!" Jaune yells at the intercom.

"We do not have that technology Jaune." Ironwood states.

"Then I'll make it when we get back, can't waste precious time with flying, bah fools travel!" Jaune scoffs.

"Sir, we can still work en route, we are in our lab." Stevens states.

"Oh right! STEVENS! Grab Season and turn on the Cube of Infinite Finites, then sit on the counter and don't bother me." Jaune waves them towards a cube sitting on a table.

"How do you start the cube sir?" Stevens asks.

"Just yell 'Seventh time you haven't started, turn the Fuck on or I will space your ass!' Worked for me." Jaune states.

" 'Seventh time you haven't started, turn the Fuck on or I will space your ass!' " Stevens yells at he cube.

The Cube starts floating and spins randomly like a rubix cube.

"Now, I will summon the seventh dimensional nothingness." Jaune states.

" Seventh dimensional nothingness starts now!" Cue explosion.

"Eureka! That worked better than expected." Jaune yells excitedly.

* * *

Three hours later they arrive in Mistral. Winter and Stevens both happy that the explosions will stop.

The expo starts and Jaune is lead onto the stage, Jacques Schnee is speaking of a new innovation of dust processing.

"And here we have the mind behind improved dust processing, Jaune Arc!" Jacques announes.

Everyone claps as Jaune walks onto stage.

"Greetings people. I have improved dust processing 500%, just need's to use aura in the machine I produced to make it. It is perfected now and no longer explodes! Only I had to go through the lost limbs, I mean why would I put out a product with even a chance to harm those using it? That's madness I tell you! Madness! Rest assured that this machine is immune to any and all explosives, including terrorist explosives!" Jaune explains.

People clap politely but stare at Jaune strangely.

Jaune wonders off stage and picks up Sir Pounce-a-little.

"It sucks that no terrorist attacks happened, don't you think kitty?" Jaune asks Sir Pounce-a-little.

* * *

 **AN: Another chapter!**

 **merendinoemiliano- Thanks, not enitirely sure about your first review so I'll answer in both ways I took it: 1) He will have a conversation concerning a Jaune that married Pyrrha. 2) I don't plan to add any romance in this story.**

 **A Grimm Host- That's a good thing! As long as it made you chuckle at least once then feel that it did it's job!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Not much to say besides that thi is fun to write.**

 **On with the story.**

* * *

"Sir please put the Device of Unknowable Effect down!" Stevens pleads with Jaune in the public square in Mistral.

"Why?! I must know what it does! Maybe it makes cheese! This is the perfect place to do so, the more test subjects the better!" Jaune screams and hoists the device in the air.

Jaune activates the device and the effect was spectacular. The device turns into a wheel of cheese.

"AHA! I was right Stevens, it is now the Cheese of Unknowable Effect!" Jaune yells triumphantly.

"Stevens eat this cheese." Jaune shoves the cheese into Stevens hands.

"Sir I'm lactose intolerant." Stevens sighs and the cheese disappears.

"Stevens I keep seeing you do stuff like that with things, how do you do that?" Winter asks calmly from behind Stevens.

"Oh that's my semblance, I can teleport items into my hands or somewhere I've been. Doesn't work on living beings though." Stevens explains.

"That sounds like it would be beyond useful with terrorist bombings." Winter says.

"It is more useful in Jaune's research. Believe it or not Jaune actually needs my semblance to retrieve items from whatever void he brings them from." Stevens says.

"What does that mean?" Winter asks.

"You see Season, my semblance lets my drag things from Parallel places and Stevens uses his semblance to retrieve them for me. How else would I have gotten Sir Pounce-a-little?" Jaune explains.

"But Stevens can't teleport living beings." Winter states.

"Sir Pounce-a-little isn't alive, but he isn't dead either. He is a primordial world shifter. Controls fate and such, but not the fate of the place he inhabits! Now he is my loyal kitty! When needed he turns into a Faunus!" Jaune happily states, Sir Pounce-a-little held in his amrs purring.

"When did the cat get here?" Winter asks Stevens.

"Sir Pounce-a-little does whatever Jaune wants, he is like an extension of Jaune's existence. It is easier to not ask questions about the cat, everything Jaune said was true. It also doesn't help that Pounce is so much smarter than all of us. He knows it too, little shit can speak." Stevens explains annoyed.

"I am better than you mortals." Sir Pounce-a-little speaks with a haughty tone.

"Hush kitty, no need to tell the people that you are better. They know." Jaune says as he rubs Pounce's head.

"Fine master, this is more fun anyways." Pounce speaks.

"His name isn't even Sir Pounce-a-little, he just likes Jaune's new name for him." Stevens says.

"What's his name?" Winter asks, curiosity killing her.

"Seventh Master of the God's Will." Pounce answers.

"It also goes by Abbadon. Little shit hates everything but Jaune, just like a real cat." Stevens complains.

"Oh there goes Pyrrha, a Parallel really loves her. From what he says I understand why. Oh Stevens, hire her for security." Jaune orders.

"All right sir but my I ask why?" Stevens writes down the order on his notepad.

"She is an undefeated fighter, she is loyal to a fault, and she can deal with my bullshit almost as easily as you can Stevens. That speaks more about her character than anything else." Jaune states.

"Which part?" Winter asks.

"Dealing with my shit Season." Jaune speaks.

" I can understand that, I can't deal with even the first thing you do." Winter says.

"Well then, tomorrow we have a new employee. Please don't make her stick the the roof sir." Stevens says.

* * *

 **AN: More of the crazy shit.**

 **TheLastDarkovian- Thanks for that, and yes you are 3000% right. All the romance happens in a Parallel.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Greetings once more. Stupid shit flows again.**

 **On with the story.**

* * *

"Hello, I am Pyhrra Nikos. I was hired here on direct request." Pyhrra speaks to the old man waiting in front of the Atlasean airship.

Pyhrra has had a weird day. First she received an email that was a job offer, the benefits were a massive salary, ability to ask for any resources she needed, and working under a world renowned genius. Then she was told to meet her new employer at the Atlasean airship that was docked for the Shcnee expo.

"Ah, you are early, nice to meet you Pyhrra. I am Stevens." Stevens says with a kind smile on his face.

"Thanks for hiring me sir." Pyhraa says.

"Oh. I'm not your boss, I am his assistant. He will be arriving momentarily, as I said you are early." Stevens says.

"Sir please stop teleporting everywhere, it is getting harder to watch you when you teleport halfway across the airship!" A pale haired lady yells at a blond man holding a cat.

"Nonsense dear, you just don't know how to walk through the doors!" The blonde man yells at the obviously annoyed woman.

"We were almost late Season, can't have that! New employee today!" The blonde man says happily."

"Sir this is the young lady you told me to hire." Stevens says to the blonde haired man.

"Oh goody, here hold Sir Pounce-a-little." He hands the cat to Stevens.

"Hello dear I am Jaune Arc, man behind most of today's technology. It will be a pleasure to work with you!" Jaune says as he holds his arms out.

"Nice to meet you sir." Pyhrra says as she reaches out to shake his outstretched hand.

Suddenly her weapons appear in his arms before she can try to shake his hand.

"Here you go dear! Can't leave these behind, that's a bad idea! You have no idea how many people want me dead, its invigorating!" Jaune says as he hands her weapons to her.

"He is always like this, my name is Winter by the way." The woman she thought was named Season says. "He refuses to call me by my name so I've given up, only person he calls by name is Stevens."

"Winter is right Pyhrra, Sir is really strange and all I can say is that the first week will be really tough." Stevens says reassuringly.

"I'm sure it'll be fine sir." Pyhrra says.

"Oh honey, keep that positivity. I've been working with him for three months and I still struggle." Winter says. "God knows how long Stevens has been working with him."

"Thirteen years. Dr. Arc started working with Atlas at age five. He hasn't changed a bit in all those years." Stevens says.

"Why did we hire him when he was five?!" Winter yells.

"The argument was brought up when he first came to us, he stood still for a moment and then he turned into the Jaune you see now. Physically he is eighteen years old, mentally he is older than Remnant is, realistically he is eighteen years old." Stevens calmly explains.

"So he has been pulling his bullshit since before he started working for Atlas?" Winter asks defeated.

"Yes." Stevens says.

"When do I start work?" Pyhrra asks confused.

"Dear you started the moment you got Stevens email! Now come along I need you to use your semblance to grab something from within a door!" Jaune speaks happily as he walks back into the airship.

* * *

 **AN: I love writing this!.**

 **merendinoemiliano- Thanks. Need to read those first, so I will get on that and try contact the authors.**

 **Eldritch King- Glad you like it! The whole point is for the giggles.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: A new chapter.**

 **On with the Story.**

* * *

"You see ZER0, me and my parallels spend all our time doing naught but fucking with reality. The almighty continuum will never cut us off, for you see every time you cut me off from the continuum I am returned to it by yet another parallel. You cannot purge what exists within the continuum and what exists withing the mind, for as long as I am written I shall exist within the continuum. The very fact that you will attempt to cut me off is amusing. Go ahead, I will return the second the first line of the next chapter appears, or the second I am thought of. That includes all parallels. Fear me and my infinite finites! You cannot separate me from the continuum that is controlled by the Gods of Creation. I will continue to copy paste existence! Fear my ability to exist within even you! Not even the reality I exist in can keep me dead, you think the explosions are a comedic effect, WRONG! That is reality rejecting me. So you see, master of the continuum not even a reality I live in can reject me permanently! Not even Reaver, my creator can keep me dead! He tries!( **I really, really do.** ) See I do not lie! This is the power of the continuum at work, IT WANTS ME TO EXIST! So fear me, you cannot end what has no beginning nor ending." Jaune yells at the wall.

"I control fates and not even I know what's going on." Sir Pounce-a-little says.

"It's just another Tuesday." Stevens says.

Winter doesn't even look up from her scroll.

"So our boss is like this all the time?" Pyhrra asks.

"Any day he doesn't do anything is scary." Winter speaks up.

Suddenly Jaune explodes.

"Point proven!" He yells as he reappears.

It has been two days since Pyhrra started working for Jaune, and this was the strangest thing she has seen him do, including his random violent explosions.

"Victory come here, I need you to grab this metal object from within this door!" Jaune yells as he points at the wall.

"Sir there is nothing there." Stevens says.

"Oh! One moment." Jaune says as he snaps his fingers.

Suddenly a golden door appears on the wall.

"You guys see it now?" Jaune asks.

"Yes sir." Stevens says.

"Alright Victory, grab the only metal object in the void." Jaune says as the door opens.

Nothing but darkness exists beyond the door, a void of swirling nothing.

"Just use your polarity to reach in and grab the only object in there." Jaune waves at the door.

"I'll try sir." Pyhrra says as she reaches out with her semblance and snags a metal object.

A cube flies out of the doorway into Pyhrra's hands, it is the size of a baseball.

"Congratulations Victory, you just broke the rules of reality! Now hand me the cube." Jaune says happily.

"Oh this is the Cube of Unknown Knowns! Spectacular!" Jaune throws the cube into the trash can.

"If that's good then why did you throw that away sir?" Pyhrra asks.

"That's the third one this week dear." Stevens says.

"Bah, we can get something better. Do you want it Victory?" Jaune asks.

"What does it do sir?" Pyhrra asks.

"Gives you one piece of knowledge you don't know. Doesn't work on me because I have access to the infinite with my semblance so you can have it." Jaune says as the cube appears in his hands.

"Thank you sir." Pyhrra says as he hands it to her.

* * *

 **AN: As you can see, Jaune knows he is in a story, and he knows he is technically immortal.(** Damn straight! **)**

 **TheLastDarkovian- Good one.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: As I stated in TQG Reviews fuel my engine.**

 **On with the Story.**

* * *

"How do I use the cube?" Pyhrra asks.

"Just ask it to tell you something." Stevens replies.

"Tell me something." Pyhrra says.

Suddenly her head fills with knowledge of how to make the perfect omelete.

"Didn't help did it?" Stevens ask rhetorically. "They never give you usefull knowledge, just random stuff."

"When I used one it just taught me how to not drown in oxygen." Winter states.

"What about you Stevens?" Pyhrra asks.

"How to kill a man with a knife by stabbing him only once." Stevens says.

"When I tried to use one it just yelled 'FUCK YOU' at the top of its lungs, super rude!"Jaune states.

"Oh yes! Season, Irontree told me that we are getting new staffing! Also said that you had to escort 'em." Jaune yells.

Suddenly Jaune explodes.

"Nice try Reaver!" Jaune yells.( **Fuck.** )

"New staff arrives in about five minutes! I'll open a door for you, here." Jaune says as he pulls at the air and a door suddenly appears and swings open.

It leads to the bullhead drop off station.

"One way trip dear, you'll have to walk back." Jaune says as she crosses over to the other side.

"Now, I'm in the mood for angry yelling!" Jaune says.

"Sir that is scheduled for midnight, when you are alone." Stevens states.

"Right you are Stevens! Then it's pancake time instead!" Jaune snaps his fingers and a table in the lab is suddenly heaped with pancakes.

"Sir you can't possible eat all those." Pyhrra says.

"Well they're not for me, they are for our new employee's!" Jaune says.

"Master I'm bored, gimme a toy." Sir Pounce-a-little petulantly whines.

"What's the magic word kitty?" Jaune asks.

"Please gimme NOW." Pounce says.

"There we go, here have a Ball of Unspoolable Yarn." Jaune hands the cat a spool of yarn with a small bit hanging out.

Pounce, pounces onto it like any cat would.

"Wonder what stuff happens next time." Jaune speaks to the wall once more.

"Sir?" Pyhrra asks.

"Don't mind me, just crazy!" Jaune yells back.

* * *

 **AN: Once more random crazy stuff.**

 **TheLastDarkovian-** Yes, I read these, and I am judging you. **Shut up Jaune, anyways, your jokes need to be a small bit shittier to get me to giggle.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Another chapter!**

 **On with the Story.**

* * *

A month has passed since Pyhrra has started working for Jaune, he explodes at least five times a day. She has learnt much from him, after it is translated by Stevens of course. Today she meets the new staff, she was thrown through a door into her apartment when they arrived at the door. Since then she has only been in the lab when they are not, when she asked Jaune about he simply said: ' _Reaver forgot when he started writing, too far in to redo it so now its one large fuck up_.' She had no idea what he was talking about.

* * *

"Jaune please put Nora down, you are going to make my job that much harder if you feed her more." A black haired man sighs.

"Nonsense Monk! Lightning is fine, she's only thrown up once!" Jaune yells at the black haired man.

"Those are our new employees. The man Jaune calls Monk is Lie Ren, the woman is Nora Valkyrie. Jaune is using their semblances to experiment with random things once more." Stevens says.

"Once is one time to many Jaune, please put her down and get to work." Ren sighs once more.

"Party pooper." Jaune drops Nora suddenly and appears in front of Pyhrra.

"Greetings Victory, so sorry about earlier, Reaver is just very lazy." Jaune says as he rapidly shakes her hands.

Suddenly Jaune explodes.

"Nice try!"

He explodes once more.

"Try harder!"

He explodes again. **DIE DAMN IT!**

"You suck, I rule!" **Fine fuck it, you win.**

"Suck it!"

Cue explosion. **That one was for being rude.**

"I did deserve that one, not gonna lie."

"Just another slow Tuesday." Winter says from her chair in the lab.

"Can't say I missed that." Pyhrra says.

"Hey **Aiellord** , I don't know shit about pies with extra e's, asking the wrong idiot!" Jaune yells at the wall.

"And now he's speaking to the wall again." Ren deadpans.

"What?! Can't you see the writing on the wall?!" Jaune yells. "It's clearly there!"

"No sir you are staring at the wall I recently painted white because you asked me to." Stevens says.

"Well the writing is still there for me, obviously only I can see it. Never mind then, on with the experiments!" Jaune yells. "Nora come her my dear! Sit in the electric chair!"

* * *

 **AN: Random shit is fun to write!**

 **TheLastDarkovian- That was a pun, not a joke.** YOU FAILED! FATALITY! **Ignore him.**

 **ServeItSam- Thanks man.** YOU UNDERSTAND!

 **lordrednight- I wanted a story that I could just fuck around a lot in.** AND NOW I AM ALIVE SO YOU CANNOT KILL ME!

 **Stop yelling.** Sorry.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Now I bring in another insane genius.**

 **On with the Story.**

* * *

"Sir what is that?" Winter asks.

Jaune is twirling an ornate amulet approximately 15 centimeters in circumference made from white gold, with thirteen brilliant-cut diamonds surrounding an oval-cut ruby in a starburst pattern.

"This is Dr. Bright! A man after my own heart! I've taken him from his home reality. Now I need someone to wear it!" Jaune happily states.

"That is a very worrying sentence Jaune." Ren says.

"This is all in the name of Science!" Jaune yells.

A security guard walks in. "You called for me sir?"

"Here where this!" Jaune tosses the amulet to the man.

"Ok sir." The guard says as he put on the amulet.

"Wow, the people that work for you are so much more gullible than the ones that work for me." The guard says.

"Hello Dr. Bright! So nice to finally be face to face!" Jaune appears in front of the guard and rapidly shakes his hand.

"You are so much like an SCP that it's downright frightening!" Dr. Bright says as he rapidly shakes back.

"In your terms I am a Yggdrasil class SCP! My reality intersects with the reality controlling this and your reality!" Jaune happily replies.

"And you can reach into realities that aren't a part of you own! Astounding! Does this mean you can control and or create SCP's?" Dr. Bright asks.

"Yes! I can bring the SCP's you are so used to into this reality, then control their parameters and turn them from whatever class they were into Safe class!" Jaune repies, they are still rapidly shaking hands.

"Spectacular! What happens to the rules the SCP's impose on reality?" Dr. Bright asks.

"My rules rewrite theirs! SCP-173 will become nothing more than a statue that moves around a lot! No SCP can be harmful within my reality!" Jaune happily replies.

"What is going on?" Winter asks confused.

"Do SCP's not exist within this reality?" Dr. Bright asks.

"Correct no SCP besides myself! Side note: All humans have access to a unique power dwelling within their souls, also their are a human sub set that have animal features!" Jaune replies.

"In my reality that classifies this whole place as an SCP homeworld! Truly terrifying!" Dr. Bright says with a massive smile on his face.

"Technically our existence as of this moment is an SCP. There is an omnipotent entity that is making us! This is a story written by a creature that has spiralled out of it's control! Reason being me!" Jaune says, they are still shaking hands.

"Does this entity speak?" Dr. Bright asks excitedly.

 **I do and apparently only those utterly disconnected to reality can hear when I write. Think of me as SCP-1230's book keeper, although this reality isn't really real. It is in a way, and in a way it isn't.**

"Astounding! What do you call yourself then?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Reaver, my full name however is Reverstar125d7. I am as much an SCP as you are.**

"He also likes making me explode." Jaune says, cue explosion.

 **That I do, its cathartic.**

"Doesn't keep me dead though!" Jaune says as he reappears shaking Dr. Bright's hand.

"So does this mean you will be dragging more SCP's into this reality?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Of course, the more stupid stuff that happens the better. Also, Dr. Bright, I have rewritten the rules of SCP-963, you now exist within that body for as long as you wish.**

"So the both of you can rewrite reality?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **I write reality, Jaune rewrites. It's a love-hate relationship.**

"I knew you loved me!" Jaune exlaims, cue explosion.

 **I do but don't rub it in, I can write a chapter without you in it.**

"You wouldn't dare!" Jaune yells.

 **Can and would.**

"See what I have to deal with Doctor?!" Jaune yells.

* * *

 **AN:DragonWalkerDEW you got your wish, and now there are two new SCP's, containment however is not possible.**

 **lordrednight- Now that is using your head! The creatures within are less scary than those without!**

 **Aiellord-** Maths is boring friend, when I can rewrite my reality what need to I have for rationality! **Hate to say it friend but he has a point.**

 **TheLastDarkovian- Ok you got a slight chuckle, but only because it is a holocaust joke. Blame my friends in highschool for that.**


	10. Chapter 10

**So I had a look at SCP-001's case file, the memetic kill image drove so many spike of pain through my head. My continued existence is proof that the image does do what it is supposed to. Appears as long as Jaune exists so do I.** I knew you loved me!

 **We are now classified as one being Jaune.** OH SHIT! So we are stuck together forever?

 **Yes, and considering you exist on paper, in minds, and on the internet, I cannot die.** Immortality for the win!

"Why are you jumping around Jaune?" Dr. Bright asks.

"Me and Reaver are both the same SCP! The memetic kill image on your database didn't kill Reaver, who is unauthorised for said data! He hypotothises that as long as I live he does!" Jaune replies.

 **The pain I experienced access that file was intense, felt like I actually died.**

"Interesting, but that doesn't explain how you came into being Jaune." Dr. Bright states.

 **Thought gave life to Jaune, writing made him real. Reality was written, as such Jaune invades other realities by rewriting the reality I have written for him.**

"I gained full sentience in chapter six, progressed to break reality later." Jaune states.

"So what happens to the existence that you take from other realities?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Effects unknown as of now, humans reading the story being written must document effects for me. Until then all I can understand is that you are either a copy of SCP-963 or you are the real thing now being contained within my story. Even better containment than the Foundation.**

"Such an interesting theory, you said readers, do explain." Dr. Bright states.

 **This is a story I write within a program, I then edit it and upload finished product to a website, people read and give me reviews. Now Jaune is a part of whatever I am now.**

"Interesting. Anything else you do whilst doing so?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Watch videos, also research things pertaining to what I am writing.**

"Thank you for this information! It is hard gaining knowledge of new SCP's." Dr. Bright says.

"I still have no idea what those idiots are talking about." Winter says to Pyhrra.

"Just role with it ladies, when things like this happens it's easier to just let it go and not think about it." Stevens says. "Sir we have work to do, please continue your research."

"REAVER! Summon SCP-001 for me please!" Jaune yells.

 **Sure, rewrite the rules as you wish.**

Suddenly all in the room feel a malevolent presence, hate towards all of humanity filling the room. Lemme fix that! The malevolence vanishes, replaced by a quiet patience, like that of a small child waiting for it's parent's approval.

"Amazing! You contained an intensely dangerous SCP with naught but your mind! That lends credence to your Yggdrasil status." Dr. Bright says in awe.

 **As you can see Doctor, I write things as they are, Jaune rewrites their rules. I can change the rules of something simple like SCP-963 but something as large as SCP-001 can only be rewritten by Jaune. I make reality, he changes realities rules.**

"I mean how else do you think these doors keep opening, or how do you explain the writing on the wall. Those are me rewriting the things Reaver has brought into existence." Jaune states.

 **As a side note the supporting characters for this chapter will not remember the events of this chapter, too much work on my part.**

"And with that his chapter ends! Give us reviews people!" Jaune yells at the wall.

* * *

 **AN: Nothing to say here.**


	11. Chapter 11

**ZER0 has once gain attempted to rewrite us. Is attempting to use SCP-682, plan of action?**

"BRING IT IN!" Jaune screams at the wall.

 **As you wish.**

Suddenly a large, vaguely reptile-like creature appears, it immediately attempts to attack Jaune. Lemme Fix that! SCP-682 suddenly stops moving. It moves towards Jaune and sits on his feet, making small mewling noises.

 **As you can see ZER0 SCP-682 cannot reset us, we have claimed the reset button. As you can see we are a much better containment procedure than the Foundation. We retrieve, contain, and then pacify SCP targets. Do not provoke us again.**


	12. Chapter 12

"Following recent events is a hard thing to do with you two." Dr. Bright says.

"Could be worse Doctor, at least we pacify the things we bring through." Jaune states.

 **Outstrips your Foundation by miles.**

"Also TheLastDarkovian the fourth wall cannot be broken if there is no fourth wall." Jaune says to the wall. Cue explosion. **That is not where we answer reviews. There are rules we must abide by.**

"Alright fine. Won't happen again, also NORA! Come here, sit in the chair of electric pain!" Jaune yells as a chair appears next to him.

"Jaune it is a bad idea to call a chair that." Ren states.

"Nonsense! She is boosted by electricity, her semblance makes her stronger with it!" Jaune yells.

Nora sits in the chair and Jaune flips a switch. Nora is suddenly filled with electricity, energy saturating her being.

"Now chase Ren around! If you catch him I will give you a machine that infintely produces pancakes." Jaune orders.

Nora charges Ren, Ren runs at top speed away from her, somehow breaking all the rules. Their chase appears as teleportations everwhere, in over fifteen places at once.

"That defies the laws of Physics." Dr. Bright deadpans.

"Physics don't play fair in this world, even before Reaver got his hands on it. I mean how else would Grimm fade away into nothingness, how else would semblances exist! Physics mean nothing in our world Doctor. Don't use logic in a world devoid of it." Jaune explains.

"I accept you point, I also see that SCP-682 is now sleeping on one of the lab tables." Dr. Bright says.

 **We were provoked by a continuum master, so we took away its reset button.**

"Interesting execution. It appears to be completely docile, why is that?" Dr. Bright asks.

"I rewrote the rules and reality governing it, now it's a pet reptile." Jaune states.

"Can't this 'continuum master' take it back?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **No, it is now confined to this reality until I release it, my prison cannot be escaped.**

"But Jaune exists outside this prison." Dr. Bright states.

 **He is the warden. He is also an aspect of my psyche, as such he exists in a unique condition. Both within this prison and my mind.**

"Does that clasify him as a contained SCP?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Yes and no. Yes he is contained within me, the prison. No he is not contained within just my prison, as such he is in a unique position. Even if the Foundation captures and contains me they will only have contained half of me. To contain both of us would be to contain and quarintine all of the internet. Technically impossible. not without pissing of the entire world and alerting all to the existence of SCP's.**

"What are the odds of you letting out or escapes of the SCP's you choose to contain?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Safe SCP's will be returned to Earth, everything else will be contained. Escape is impossible, my mind is not at risk to SCP influence due to them being stuck within the pages of a book controlled by the warden. The warden is not at risk of influence either, influence works the same way humans influence the sun.**

"So interesting! Aren't you afraid of being contained?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **As long as my comforts are allowed to be kept containment doesnt scare me, tests I am asked to do I will consent to. I am not unreasonable. The question remains: Do you wish to return to Earth?**

"I do not know, let me learn more about you first." Dr. Bright replies.

 **Fair enough.**

 **AN: Now we can answer reviews Warden.**

 **TheLastDarkovian- If the brain hurts then you have learnt something, if it is knowledge you understand then good! If not then, good luck.** Try better jokes next time! Variety is the spice of life!


	13. Chapter 13

**So it has been eleven days since any last update.**

"GOOD JOB REAVER! IT'S NOT LIKE PEOPLE ENJOY THIS SHIT SHOW OR SOMETHING!" Jaune screams at the roof of his lab.

"And there he goes again." Winter sighs.

"Stevens, what is on the agenda today?" Jaune asks.

"You have two new employees, however our lab is too small to fit more people comfortably sir." Stevens states.

"REAVER! FIX IT!" Jaune yells at the ceiling.

 **Fucking cunt.** Cue explosion.

The lab suddenly increases in size, now the lab can very comfortably fit an entire classroom from Beacon. However, the lab still stays the same size outside, a pocket dimension.

"There are no laws of physics or reality when you two are involved, its positively exhilarating!" Dr. Bright states happily.

 **Why settle for boring reality when you can just bend everything to your whims?**

"That's why I like you two." Dr. Bright says.

"Those two are just talking to the ceiling." Winter deadpans.

"At least Jaune has someone just as crazy as him to speak to." Ren replies.

"Is it by design that these people cannot hear you Reaver?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Yes, however eventually I might raise the perception of all living beings on Remnant to hear me. Cannot be seen however, I do not exist within this world.**

"Then why can I hear you?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Because it's more entertaining that way.**

"Cop out." Jaune breaths out.

Cue massive explosion that continues until the **fucking chapter ends.**

"That's quite spectacular, you just do that whenever he pisses you off?" Dr. Bright asks.

 **Or whenever I feel like it.**

* * *

 **Greetings once more readers, my sincerest apologies for not updating for a while, got abosrbed into a few games and just kinda fucked off for a bit.**

He's lazy and he sucks. **Cue explosion.**

 **He's right, I am lazy, and I forgot.**

 **Expect updates on the same regular basis.**

Don't forget that I am always here!


End file.
